Today, while I was sitting here working on some lovely things. I want to talk today about transformation in how things really start to happen. Start to manifest, start to transform when you surrender and y’all know I talked about surrendering a lot but most people don’t understand what true surrender is.

They don’t understand what it means to just be present, just be existing, just allow time and space to happen so that you can just experience it. 

I talked about last week how, you know, like the rain used to be inconvenient for me, right? But only because it was associated with a past trauma, right? It was associated with a car accident that I got into.

I mentioned this briefly last week, it’s funny because they were my best friends and I guess we were in high school and they were twins, right? We were all from New York and I mean, they were Guyanese, but they were from Brooklyn. I was from the Bronx. You know, we just clicked and they were twins, but what happened was and this is right on time actually. 

The whole story is one of my best friends and it’s funny because I was the only one who could tell them apart, they didn’t look the same to me, I don’t know how people think twins, look the same. They always have some kind of work that, you know, who is who. Anyway, their names are Dion and Deidre. 

What happened was we were supposed to go pick up, Deidre from work. It’s been so long. We were so good. We were supposed to go pick her up from work, and we were at my house and we were doing something. When we looked at the, I realized oh shoot. We got to go right and we got there we probably were like nine minutes late. Like you like she got off at. Let’s say she got off at 3:00 and we got there at 3:09 right? But we were late, right? This is the first time I’ve ever went with Dion pick up Deidre.

We were late, nine minutes late, right? I’ve been 15 minutes late. He could have been six but it wasn’t 3:00. We weren’t there at 2:55. When we got we pulled out front Deidre was upset, right? She was upset. I want to give you a perspective on. I lived five minutes from Deidre’s job at that time, right? Or where I was staying was five minutes. Like, my grandmother’s house was five minutes from Deidre’s job. 

During this time, I was at my mother’s house. When we drove there to this probably 15-20 minutes to get there but we were going back to my grandmother’s house which was five minutes from her job. So we got there, I must say, 309 because that’s what feels right. That’s what I feel like, I remember, we were late, whatever time it was.

We were late. I was sitting in the back seat, I’m sitting in the back seat, and Dion is trying to talk to Deidre and the teacher has an attitude. I’m not saying anything, right? Because this is their sister communication. You know, they got to talk it out and the argument was that Dion was always late picking her up, right? You’re always late Dion, you always leave me hanging. You always leave me here, right? This is the same thing that happened with me and my mother, right? 

I felt like my mother always just showed up. She never asked permission, she never Hey, can I come visit you? She would say I’m coming or. Hey, I have a flight for work, and I’m going to be at the airport for 45 minutes drive to LAX to come see me. She wouldn’t ask, she would just tell me, right? 

Even if it was inconvenient, even if I didn’t want to see her, even if I had something planned or something to do, I was supposed to drop it. I was doing to come see her for 45 minutes. I supposed to drive in Los Angeles traffic, to LAX, to come spend 30 minutes with her or 10 minutes were her just because it was convenient for her, and this is interesting because like this happened many years after that accident, but let’s get back to it. So we get in the car and, you know, they arguing a little bit. And I’m like, all right y’all, right. 

So we pull out, he pull out of the parking lot and when I tell you my grandmother lives, five minutes away like literally like not even five minutes. You probably could get to my grandma’s house in three minutes, right? It takes two minutes to get from Deidre’s job to my grandmother’s house and probably another minute and a half to drive to the back of the neighborhood and get to her actual house. But she lives like five minutes away for you driving, slow and luxurious, right? There’s not even a stop sign because it’s attorney. Like, you could say it’s a turning lane, you just turn. Are you only met with this top? You could get right to her house. We get in the car. When we finally Lee start driving. They’re still arguing, it starts raining, right? 

I’ve never had any issue with rain before and the past I’ve never had any issue with rain, right? I’m dancing in the rain, I love it, rain like rain was good, right? I do the rain dance, never had any issues were rain and it starts raining and they’re still arguing but we drive. We make that turn that I’m telling you. About and we’re driving up, driving up this light Hill or whatever. And it starts raining really hard mind you. We only need three minutes to get to my grandmother’s house, we only need three more like three minutes, right? 

We driving and they are arguing and they’re arguing so much that I Deidre’s crying. There’s, there are tears running down her face and she is like yelling they’re yelling at each other. I’m like, yo, y’all got to chew right? Y’all gotta chew and Deidre screaming, like at the top are long. She always late Deon. You’re all like to have an accident right there. Guyanese, you’ve always lady on, you’re always late. You always leave me hanging. These are, can’t really see, right? Because she had tears streaming down, her. Flee her vision is blurry, is pouring down raining. When I see his pouring, like the windshield wipers are going too fast as they could go. Swiping buckets of water, side to side, side to side, we only need five minutes to get to my grandmother’s house, we only need three. If we focus and it’s nobody in front of us, the only need five minutes.

We only need three minutes, right? They’re yelling back and forth. It’s not that serious Deidre. You making such a big decision. There’s serious, right? Now, I got to say something. Yo, y’all need to chill and she’s nobody’s listening to me. I’m in the backseat and I’m in the middle, I’m strapped in the middle with a lap belt on nobody’s listening to me right there. Arguing, back and forth here in the front is raining, I can’t see, right? I can’t see through the windshield and I’m sitting in the window looking straight at the window. 

It’s raining, so hard. I need them to slow down. I need them to stop yelling because now it’s triggering me, right? He’s triggering me because yet like yelling, they arguing, I can’t see. Now, these were swerving. So the windshield wipers going too fast, as they can go. The water is this, you hear the water to the right? It’s like, and then I just hear them yelling. No, Dion. No Deal. It’s like everything is loud. 

Then these words like is so upset that she’s like swerves and she swerves us into oncoming traffic. So she gets scared and she throws the steroid other way which hop cause us to hopped the curb drive up a hill.

Like she I guess she tried to hit the, get the brakes and she actually had to guess. So we floor it. Boom. We go through a tree. Then slam into an electric pole. Everything goes quiet. At this time, this is when we used to like have that little, I don’t know how old you are, but we had this little, like, cassette deck that you put the cassette into the cassette player. But you could plug it in and hook it to your iPod. We had the iPod playing music the whole time. Right? In the background I couldn’t really hear the music because they were yelling and it was raining. And they didn’t have the music loud because they were busy arguing and everything went quiet for a moment. Couldn’t hear the rain. I couldn’t hear the windshield wipers, the car started smoking. 

We crashed into an electric pulse or the front is wrapped around the electric pole. It happened so fast, she threw us into traffic. I thought he’s about to die but she threw us to the right? And we ran up the hill. She floored it instead of hitting the gas and we were in through the we ran through the tree and hit the electric pole and stopped and then big came on Biggie Suicidal. 

Dion and Deidre trying to get out and they can’t get out. They both of their doors are wedged in between trees. They try to open the doors but the doors can’t open because his trees on the sides of us. So I opened the back door and I’m like trying to climb. I’ll get my seat belt on so I’m like panicking because I’m freaking big. I wasn’t even spiritual in. But Biggie, Suicidal Thoughts came on after we crashed. And the car starts smoking and I thought it was about to blow up so I’m like yo we gotta go come on, come on. So I’m buckling like I’m trying to hurry up and unbuckle and I get out and I opened I leave the door open up. Well hurry up y’all. So they climate through the back going out and we running down the hill so that we don’t die. When the car blows up now the car didn’t blow up they all had are black bags deploy but the car didn’t blow up but I didn’t know that I never been in a car accident, right? 

When it starts smoking, I’m like yo I’m out. We had a dip because all I know is smoke means is about to blow up and Big E says suicidal thoughts and I wasn’t trying to kill myself. So we out we were out and the their fault, their iPad and stuff was still plugged in. But I have my phone in my pocket or my hand. I think it was in my pocket, so I still have my phone when we ran down the who. First of all, I was so annoyed, so angry, and so frustrated.

We got down the hill and I’m like yes arguing over some dumb stuff. Y’all arguing over down stuff and like a walk to my grandmother’s house. In the crazy thing is, I was so like I thought I was gonna die. I was moving so fast. My back was hurting. Somebody was bleeding, there’s glass broken, like, oh, you know what I mean? Like, but we were, we were so, like, full of adrenaline, we had to get out. We forgot that we just like, ran through a tree, hit an electric pole and I’m over here like trying to call people, right? I’m trying to Ohhon and IMA answer. And I’m like, damn, so I’m like texting my friends trying to see who has a car and who could come get me because everybody didn’t have cars then write. Even it was weird because Dianna du jour were in two different grades. They were older than me, but Dion was in my grade teacher, it wasn’t a great above us. So it’s just like a whole weird thing. 

But anyway, I’m like texting my friends because hundun answer the phone and, you know, we like young Rihanna High School. So I’m like this do. All right, so I’m texting other people. I’m like, yo, I think I just want, they just ran us into electrical. I need somebody to come get me because I called my grandmother and she wasn’t there and I don’t have the keys to her house, right? And I don’t even think my mother like me at that point. So even up was living at her house. I didn’t call her and I’m just trying to find somebody, right? And then some do saw us running to like run off the road. So he stopped Out and call 911 and then they were like, I’m like so annoyed I’m like, patients are walking up the hill and they called me back and he like yo we don’t have any insurance. So you we got to tell the cops that we saw a deer because you know, if it’s my fault and we crashed the card and they not going to pay and I’m like, yo, are you kidding me?

What? So all of that to say, I was angry because they risk my life and they was arguing over something. That was dumb. I don’t even remember what I said. This episode was going to be about oh, transformation and surrender. Listen, I don’t even know the point of me telling you this but I’m well I’m we all get to it. Oh, okay, so we got down this whole rabbit hole because I was talking about Ray, listen. So I’ll let us say they said my spine was 100. 120 percent out of Alignment or something ridiculous. And like I like I still have back pain to this day from that accident and my neck was off my neck. Still do this crazy, crack and thing. I was in physical therapy for a long time and they stopped talking to me. My mother had filed a claim so that I could go to a physical therapist after we left with the ambulance and all of that she filed the claim because I had to go to physical therapy for months. I had a Tens. Like I had to go through all these damn exercise so annoyed with the whole process. But they stopped talking to me and I never knew what, like, I’m like, oh they were my best friends, what happened? I used to see him at school and they walk past me. And I was like, oh, what happened is because I yelled at y’all and then I realized it was because my mother filed a clean and they didn’t have car insurance, and I didn’t know what any of that meant.

I didn’t know if you filed a claim. Somebody get sued. I got to know any of that, but they just talking to me that it was like, so weird. Like they just Dipped like, you know, like like they gave me the Brooklyn like they walk past me. I was like, yo, what’s up, y’all to like and they just walked past me and I was like, oh yeah, my I work. We had another best friend but she was more my best friend, a lot of us. Like your what happened? And I’m like, I don’t know. They cry. They drove me through an electric pole and adding not talking to me.

Anyway, all that’s a grain have been a You’re from me after that, right? Anytime I was driving into work, it will rain. I will have severe anxiety. Any time I was driving, and it was raining and it was like an 18-wheeler next to me. I would have a panic attack in the car and yesterday, it was wondering and lightning. And my daughter wants to go outside Topick Dandy lions and I was like, yeah, absolutely. We sat out front and I asked my husband, I was like, hey, you want to take a walk? I’m excited to take a walk and I was like, I don’t know. We might get caught in the rain now, but as we were walking yesterday, I had this realization. Wow, I have come such a long way because rain used to be so inconvenient. For me, rain used to be such a trigger for me. Rain used to remind me of suicidal thoughts, right. And that wasn’t the only time that Suicidal Thoughts.

Had made an appearance in my life and we’re walking in his I’m getting wet and it feels like talking about last week, a cleanse a rebirth, a spiritual-like baptism and I just thought about how grateful I was to be at a place in my life where I’m not triggered to be at a place in my life, where I Surrender, and I’m unbothered by the outside elements where I am not bothered by the chaos

that is happening around me where I can be in total chaos, and still be at peace. Okay. The older story, like, I just had to tell you the whole story. Story. So I don’t even know like what lesson I was going to get into, but I think this isn’t a lesson is a lesson in itself where when you learn to master. So you learn to master your mind, right? When you learn to surrender to presence, you get the spiritual transformation. You have been looking for. You get the enlightenment that you have been looking for.

You don’t have to seek. It is seeks you. So when you are able to surrender and just really like mmm Have happened your Enlightenment happens. That’s it. Imma leave it at that. I’m leaving. I’m leaving it there. Today, I’ma come to y’all next week, with a whole. Now, I’m not promising that it’s met this. This episode is medicine, itself is Rich. If somebody in this is coming to me and this is separate. But somebody needs to hear this part of somebody’s walking out of your life, if somebody left and you don’t know why, if you’re in get any closure, even if you did But you felt abandoned. Say thank you. They did you a favor. They blessed you stop. Trying to hold on to stuff. That’s not for you. 

Stop trying to hold onto to the door that needs to be closed. Stop trying to hold on to things. That will stunt. Your growth will block you, from transformation will keep you living in your own hell, okay? Count your blessings. My mother used to say that to me, count your blessings, and I never knew what it meant. Great until right now, count your blessings. But now I don’t need to count on because everything that I encounter is a blessing, whether it’s comfortable or not, whether it’s a part of my preference or not, whether it’s raining or not, whether it doesn’t feel good smell preferable or not counting my blessings, my blessings are infinite shorty. Don’t count anymore, I just Experience. I don’t have to keep track anymore because I know that I am blessed. I’m living in a state of bliss, bliss things, and blessings. Even if my lessons are uncomfortable, they are blessing. And I don’t even have to count anymore, right? Because I’m not, there is no, no hierarchy, no measurement, right. 

There are no more traumas or triggers. They’re just things that happen and I’m just existing through them all. So I got a lot on my plate today. I’m going to make sure I go enjoy every single moment of it. I love you, I’ll see you next week for another episode. Hope you got some medicine out of this one. Peace.